May 2013
best-of-funny:
the-vashta-nerada:
my older sister is getting a law degree but she needs to have extra classes that aren’t related to law to complete it so she’s taking tree climbing 101
as in
a class that teaches you how to climb trees
let’s talk about the american education system
boygrimlark:
scout-ebubbles:
docot:
freddybenson:
leovaldezstyle:
freddybenson:
A
B
C
the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours
D
E
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
url-goes-here:
have you ever been reading something and completely understood a line of foreshadowing and just whispered “shit”
rnilkbreath:
rnilkbreath:
rnilkbreath:
rnilkbreath:
i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago dont tell my mom
my mom says i have to go to bed now which one of u meaners told
who the fudge changed ‘fudgers’ to ‘meaners’
WHO CHANGED IT FROM FUCKERS TO FUDGERS I WILL KILL THE POPSICLE DONT TESTICLE ME
merelyafleshwound:
luciferisasexybagofdicks:
iepidemic:
hotapplestrider:
twelvejammiedodgers-andafez:
on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter
how bad is your idea
rejecting hitler from art school
holy shit
electing george bush twice
hooking up with taylor swift
me: [walking past book store]
me: [bREATHES HEAVILY]
mom: no
bootipop:
Cheer up, you’re never alone! There is probably at least 1 bug in your room
verysiriuspotterhead:
egberts:
hudlionunshod:
egberts:
warhammer-of-cillyhoo:
egberts:
egberts:
my mom finally bought a toaster
why did this get notes
we’re happy for you
its just a toaster
Actually it is more than just a toaster; it is a short story. “Finally” denotes anticipation. “My mom” is character development: you have a mom. “Bought a toaster” is the clear...
westbor0baptistchurch:
I hope that Sunny Baudelaire never gave any blowjobs.
those:
youre so vain you probably think this post is about you
africans:
i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded
scvlptures:
depression is when you don’t really care about anything
anxiety is when you care too much about everything
and having both is just like what
avengedatthedisco:
how do people even fucking sleep with night lights oh god my room needs to be as dark as my soul
chinkerbelle:
Reasons I grab my boobs
running upstairs
running downstairs
running
stoked on life
scared
walking through my house in the dark
bored
boobs
zeldalise:
oh my god I just realized something okay
so if yahoo is buying tumblr for about $1 billion and tumblr is estimated to have 50 billion posts then it means that every post is worth two cents
I am actually giving you my two cents in every post
wanglnciaga:
so when ur famous do u just magically have great skin or
